HOMESCHOOLING BEGINS WITH HOME
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STOP GRUMBLING DURING DESKWORK Please, tell me how! |
This article offers three simple applications to guide you through the process of reviving burdensome deskwork activities that represent the bulk of the conflict of homeschooling in many Christian home schools:
- Discern roles—your role, your child’s role, and God’s role—in character growth through deskwork.
- Respect your child through setting clear expectations during deskwork while you exercise gentle Godly authority.
- Create an environment conducive to two-way communication.
Sidenote:
While you are learning to walk in liberty with the Lord and to train your children with grace, establishing a love of learning through knowledge acquisition will keep you—and your children—motivated to press on with each other! Don’t neglect it… for the sake of your sanity. (Family reading routines have helped me tremendously!)
- Discern Responsibilities.
- What is your role in this process of requiring deskwork?
To abide!
Christian home schools begin with Christ. Abide in Him, learn to discern His Voice as you walk in the freedom Christ offers, and plant seeds that will bring forth the fruit of discipline and diligence.
- What is your child’s role in this process?
To obey you and communicate respectfully with you as you exercise gentle Godly authority over his life. Again, Christian home schools begin with Christ. As Christ grows in you, Mom, His love-in-you will draw your child to you. Just like you obey the One Who loves you, your child will obey the one who loves him.
Are you, Mom, obeying the One who loves you? If you are, the Spirit’s gentleness and unconditional love will reach the heart of your child over time. God’s steady yet loving authority over your yielded life will be the model for the steady yet loving authority you exercise in your child’s life.
- What is God’s role in this process?
To grow the seeds of character that He directs you to plant. You cannot make your child more disciplined or diligent. You can only set up the structure within which God's Spirit can work in both your child and yourself.
Christian home schools begin with Christ. As you make room for Him to grow in your own life and your children’s lives, you will stand amazed at what He will do in each of you because He loves you so.
- What is your role in this process of requiring deskwork?
- Respect your child through setting clear expectations during deskwork.
As you are processing with the Lord about how to approach introducing a new deskwork area, process with your child as well.
In other words, don't come to his desk one morning and say in a commanding voice, "You MUST do such-and-such."
Rather, chat with him for about month off and on about what you are planning to do. “Hey, Buddy, in about one month, we’ll starting a new math program. Let me show you what it looks like.” Then get out the book and look through it together.
Example: Seven-year-old.
When I showed my developmentally delayed seven-year-old son the First Grade math workbook I had chosen for him, he promptly closed the book and said, “Too hard!”
I smiled, kissed him, and continued, “You will love to use these math skills once you learn them. The fruit of discipline is an increased skill you will love to use. I see that you like to help your brother put coins into money wrappers. You’re going to learn how to count coins with this math program.” His eyes lit up just a little; his brow indicated his skepticism.
A few days later, I asked him to tell me the time on the analog clock and he couldn’t. I said, “Hey, that new math program is going to help you learn about telling time. You’ll like using that skill, I’m sure.”
And then again a few days later, he tried to read the temperature from the thermometer. I mentioned the math program then as well.
About a week before implementing this program, we set up a bulletin board filled with all kinds of manipulatives for him to enjoy. When it was time to begin math, he was ready to go!
Example: Twelve-year-old.
I have implemented this process over the last 14 years of homeschooling my children and still do to this day. My 12-year-old, non-language-intuitive son struggles with deskwork; but I still require it because I have seen his character grow through it, and he sees my heart for him as well.
Like I do with my younger son, about a month before implementing something new, I begin to dialogue with my 12-year-old about it and tell him what I expect: respect, obedience, diligence. Then I outline the materials we will be using.
After these talks, I listen to him and deal with his heart.
"Oh, Mom, are we doing grammar again (kinda whiny)?"
"Yes, darlin'. Now, last year you did so well with grammar when you put your mind to it. I'm glad you're sharing with me your concern about trying it again, but don't whine about it. I'm always willing to listen to whatever you have to say as long as you say it respectfully.”
- Create an environment conducive to two-way communication.
Respecting the child also means that you create an environment/structure that is roomy (has boundaries but lots of space/grace for growth in both your lives), not inflexible.
Example. The reading/spelling program I use with my son has 12 steps.
I could say, "I want to get through a step a month, period, and we will work to that end” (inflexible).
Or I could say, "I've got this structure that is working for my son. Lord, help me to know him. Help me to hear his heart as I see where he struggles and where he has succeeded. Help me to know when it is time to move ahead or time to go back."
As of November 2008, I believe we will be using this program until he is 18 (he is currently 12) because I move back and forth through it, depending on what he remembers.
I have purposefully created a structure that is flexible and roomy but with boundaries: I expect him to work diligently with me for between 10 and 20 minutes each day on this program, without complaining or grumbling.
Because I have given him room, flexibility, unconditional love, and respect and have set boundaries within which to work out the character traits of respect, diligence, and discipline, he cooperates with me without complaint.
If he begins to feel overwhelmed with something at his deskwork, he also knows that he is free to tell me about his concerns (I usually know something is bugging him because his leg begins shaking) and I will listen.
We worked through a process of establishing deskwork attitudes (both for him and me!) when he was around eight. You can read about that here.
TWO KEYS TO |
- Stop modeling grumbling before your children.
- Listen to your children. Let me repeat that.
Mom’s learning to apply the following verse:
slow to speak and slow to anger;
For the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
~James 1:19
deskwork will become an everyday tool
that God uses in His child training of you!
As your children observe your heart-wrenching submission to the Lord through your obedience at deskwork and your struggle through God’s child training you, they will be witnessing the outworking of a genuine Christian life.
When you fail (i.e., become angry and fail to listen and speak in haste), asking your child to forgive you and repenting before him (changing your external behavior because you are being changed internally by the Spirit of God) will do more to draw his heart to you than any Bible curriculum. (This process of surrender is called walking in the Light). If you hold his heart, he will forgive your mistakes.
Your love never fails.
As you live the genuine Christian life before him, your child will know that your heart is with him and that you are truly trying to help him with foundational skills.
I have even said that to my struggling son, "Buddy, I love you and want you to have the skills you need to become all you can be. You need to know how to read and spell, Darlin’. I'm here to come alongside you in this development." We always hug after these moments of heartfelt communication.
and God holds both of ours.
Additional articles related to the theme of Scholarship:
- Skills and Knowledge (Overview Article)
- Preschool and Early Elementary
- Later Elementary Years and Junior High
- High School Homeschooling
Lord, thank you that this woman
has chosen to relate to her particular children
through homeschooling.As she continues in the fear of the Lord
and in the comfort of the Holy Spirit,
train her to become quick to listen,
slow to speak,
and slow to anger.The fear of the Lord
is the beginning of knowledge;
But fools despise
wisdom and discipline.
~Proverbs 1:7Return to Homeschooling Articles Page
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