CHRISTIAN HOMESCHOOLING ARTICLES

HOMESCHOOLING
BEGINS WITH HOME

Reach Your Child’s Heart During Deskwork

This series of Christian Homeschooling Articles addresses the following themes:

1. Relationship
2. Stewardship
3. Scholarship
4. Easy Recordkeeping

One of the many benefits of Christian homeschooling is being able to reach your child’s heart through everyday circumstances, like deskwork.

I checked with my sweet darlin’ son and he has agreed to let me share an example of his child training. Children who struggle with desk work—specifically, children who wear those precious hearts on their sleeves—can sometimes bump mom’s heart.

Here's what happened during deskwork in 2004 when my son was eight:

He had his entire math lesson all done before I came to his desk, and I checked his work while he completed one page of his language arts workbook. He had just learned how to divide a two-digit dividend by a one-digit divisor the previous week (e.g. 42 divided by 2). Well, he must not have understood it completely because all three problems were not done correctly.

1. First I commented on his self-direction.

   • He had the lesson completed without being told to do it.

   • I reminded him that he was growing in self-government and that since he was being controlled internally, the external controls were not as necessary.

   • I also told him that I could trust him more because he was exhibiting Godly character. He was building relationship with me and building trust in our relationship through self-government.

   • I reminded him that a self-governed person is a blessing to those around him, and he was that blessing this morning.
   I just love that beaming smile he has
   when he has been validated.

   Then I said, "Let's look at the division you learned last week...." and before I could finish, he started that "falling under the table" thing and snorting and doing all those wonderful (?) fleshly responses that drive moms crazy. I touched his shoulder and he pushed my hand away and started crying.

   Then he repeated over and over, "I can't do this. I just can't do it."

2. Then I offered wisdom.

   "I have some wisdom to offer you but you won't be able to hear it until you stop all that fleshly stuff. Fleshly stuff doesn't bless anyone... not even you." So he stopped for a second, while breathing really heavily and looking up at the ceiling.

   As he was calming down, I looked up a section in the math workbook that he just loves to do... that he didn't love to do last year. I pointed to that section and asked, "Do you remember this? We talked about it last week. Do you remember our conversation?"

   He gritted his teeth and murmured, "No" as he breathed really heavily and started shaking his leg.

   "I'd like to remind you about it because I think it will bless you. Are you ready to be reminded about it?"

   "No."

   "Okay, I'll wait until you're ready." And I started to look at his sister’s math. A few minutes later he was ready.

   I reminded him about last week's math time by repeating this phrase that I often use:

   The fruit of discipline is an increased skill
   that you will enjoy using.

   He burst out, "I hate this. I never want to use this skill" and he started crying again.

   Then I reminded him, "Last year you hated this skill" as I pointed to that earlier section "but now you love it because you went through the process of developing that skill. All you need to do is follow that same process to develop this skill of dividing double digits."

   Still crying, he moaned, "I never want to divide double digits. It's just too hard. You don't understand."

   "One thing I DO understand is this. This is wisdom. Are you ready to receive some wisdom?" He stopped crying but was still shaking and writhing. I exhorted, "A wise man will receive wisdom and try to apply it, but a foolish man doesn't even want to hear wisdom. I think you're a wise man. I can see your character developing and I know you want to apply your heart to wisdom. I'll wait until your heart ears are ready to listen."

   He responded rather quickly, "I'm ready."

   "Here's the wisdom I was talking about.

   Mistakes are not sin.

   “When you are developing a new skill, you will make mistakes. You can expect that. Mom still makes mistakes as I develop new skills.

   “What IS sin though is how you are responding to correction. A wise man receives correction but a foolish man rejects it. I want to pray that you will allow God to kill your flesh—remember, that's called dying to self—so you can respond correctly to correction, like a wise man would."

3. I prayed.

   When I opened my eyes, there sat my son smiling his precious smile. I looked into his eyes as I held his head in my hands, "Oh, my, I can see waaayyyy down in your heart that you have made a choice. I'll be able to tell by what happens next just what choice you made" and I gave him a great big hug and kiss.

   He smiled, no longer shaking, "I have something to tell you later." We continued on with Math.

   After lunch, he told me, "When you were praying, Mommy, I was silently praying, 'Kill it, kill it' and God did."

   I concurred, "He sure did, darlin’. That's called yielding your heart so God could crucify your flesh. Now that you have experienced that, you will be able to apply that process many times.

   “Remember what it is like to yield your heart, dear, because you can commune with God any time He shines His Light on your flesh. You want every part of your heart to be exposed to the Light so He can make the ugly, dark places new and alive. Then you will be prepared for the work He put you on this earth to do. Isn't is exciting to be a child of God?"

Mom, as God parents you—offering His wisdom, exhorting, encouraging, and validating of your growth process—He will equip you to do the same for your children. Look for the principles He is teaching you to live out, and then pass those principles on to your children.

Here’s what the Lord was teaching me, His child, so that I could teach my child. Deskwork was one opportunity I had to teach him that day.

• First, help the child identify what the flesh is and what it isn't. Mistakes are not sin. Responding inappropriately to correction is sin/flesh.

• Second, don't pressure the child with your own flesh in action. Give him time to think about what you are saying to him.

• Third, repetition of key phrases (years perhaps) is not a bad thing. It doesn't mean your child is dumb or trying to disobey. It just means your child is a child that needs lots of time to process deep things. Plant and water the seed. Let it die and then watch the fruit come forward.

• Fourth, identify your child's development and where he is trying to obey you and apply what you are teaching him before identifying any mistakes or offering correction.

• Fifth, be thankful for children who wear their hearts on their sleeves because you don't have to wonder what they are thinking. You know! Be thankful for all your children and how God gave them to you so you could steward their lives.

• Sixth, develop relationship with your children and get to know your children, really know where they are so you can relate the happenings in their lives to your child training.

• Finally, praise the Lord that He can use simple ol' moms as tools to lead children to the necessary process of dying to self when they are young. What a privilege! What an awesome God, and what a unique and underutilized platform—the home—in which He begins, processes, and can complete character development to prepare His people to serve Him as they serve others.

  ---

  Lord, help us moms to love our children
  through their growth
  just as you love us through ours.

Additional Christian homeschooling articles:

• Skills and Knowledge (Overview Article)
  • Preschool and Early Elementary
  • Later Elementary and Junior High School
    
  • No More Grumbling During Deskwork
    
  • High School Homeschooling
    
• Family Reading
  

  ---

  For if you are living according to the flesh, you must die;
  but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body,
  you will live.
  Romans 8:12-13

Return to the top of this Christian Homeschooling Deskwork article

Return to Homeschooling Articles Page

Return to Home Page