Child Training without angerWhen one mom’s little boy became physically angry with her as she was training him, I shared with her this example from my own experiences of training young ones:
My two-year-old loved to poke his fingers into his baby sister’s eyes, just to see them blink. So I set up a rule for him by telling him what he could not do and why, and then I told him what he could do. I also set up the consequences for disobeying that rule.
For example, "Darlin’, you may not poke your fingers near your sister's eyes.. Never! If you want to touch her, you may stroke her little toes like this. You may touch her arm like this. If you move your fingers near her eyes, Mommy or Poppy will spank you. It is not respectful or honoring to poke your fingers near people's eyes."
Now, of course, he poked his fingers near his sister’s eyes, and so I said something like, “Oh, Darlin’, do you remember that you are not allowed to poke your fingers near her eyes? Remember, you could have touched her toes like this or touched her arms like this. You disobeyed Mommy. What does Mommy have to do now? I have to spank you. Come with me now. Do not fuss about it. It was clear that you disobeyed, right?"
If he fusses about the spanking, sit him on a chair or on his bed or somewhere where he can rant and rave and not hurt himself. Then when he's all done, go to him and say, "Now that you are calm, it is time for the spank."
Before you spank him, tell him that you are training him to respect his sister and that you will spank him every time he tries to poke at her eyes. No anger on your part. Let him be childish. But don't waiver on the spank.
Don't spank when he's angry,
nor when you're angry.
When the spank is over, talk to him. "Mommy loves you so much, Sweetie. You're my sweet boy and I want you to grow up into a Godly man. Godly men respect people. Poking fingers in a baby's eyes is not respectful. That's why I have to spank you when you do it. I love you." Lots of hugging after that.
Noelene responded:
| I did try your suggestion today. You said don't spank when he's angry. I had said no to something he asked to do and he became cheeky with me. I told him that I have to spank him now, and the cheekiness got worse. I continued to speak calmly to him and told him that as soon as he calmed down, he would receive a spank. He did calm down and stayed calm after I had spanked him. I'll continue with this and everything else I am reading about in your articles.—Noelene |
Linda responded:
God has allowed you to work out this verse: The anger of man (and/or child in this case) does not produce the righteousness of God. What a beautiful lesson. Thank you for sharing!
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