CHRISTIAN
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It is so true what you say, Linda, about the Lord showing me how to stop focusing on performance. And He has started doing it already, I'm so excited!
I've signed up for your Spiritual Growth and Parenting Young children Reading Guides and am so thoroughly enjoying them. I have been creating more margin, and you have confirmed what I've been 'trying' to do all year. I was involved with a volunteer organisation to help women breastfeed but found it to be a bit burdensome but I kept on at it, just couldn't seem to 'let go' although I actually wasn't enjoying it anymore because it was an interruption to our family. Finally, while reading your article, God showed me that I've been 'hanging on' because it's been part of an image for me. It was another 'title' although I didn't want to actually do the 'work'. I resigned last week, and even then, the email sat in my drafts folder for a week before! I feel He is stripping all my outer images away, slowly, one by one until there will only be me left, just as he made me, ready to receive His image.
—Noelene
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Linda responded:
Continue to abide and you will walk with Christ in liberty. Thank you for ministering to me through this testimony of God’s work in your life.
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One mom’s example of Hearkening to the Lord
This growing mom wrote:
Yes, child training does take alot of time! When I first read your articles, I didn't really understand what you meant by 'intense.’ Well, now that I have two children, I get the message loud and clear!! Very intense. I also now understand what you mean by us moms laying down our lives for our children.
Can I share something with you?
My husband's mother is always telling us about his brother and what their kids are doing, how they are parenting etc. etc. They are the complete opposite to us in that it seems their parenting style is to get their kids independent ASAP. We have been hearing about them for years now and we just accept this and try not to take it personally.
Well, my m-i-l was visiting a few weeks ago, and she started telling me all about my b-i-l's family again, how my s-i-l can get 'so much done' because her baby is on the bottle already and she sends her 18-month-old son to playschool two days a week. She lets her baby watch TV so she can 'get something done' in the kitchen, and she has a babysitter around in case she 'just needs to pop out' etc.
I just nod and smile and keep quiet because if I say anything about our style, it will be taken as an attack.
Well, after hearing all this, it really bothered me and I couldn't stop thinking about it for days. I eventually spoke to my husband about it and asked him if it bothered him too, and he said, 'Honey, for them it's about getting their lives back as soon as they can'.
The lightbulb went off in my head.
I had just read your articles on hearkening and I realised that God was telling me that we are, in fact, laying down our lives for our children. He was confirming our parenting choices through my m-i-l.
I also realised that I reacted differently to her comments compared to in the past. I used to get upset (not show her though) because I wanted her approval for the way we do things (she never compliments us because we do everything different to the way she raised her children), even though we don't fit her mould of how a family should be raised. Then I realised that I was living in this image of 'fear of man' and God took this away from me. This last incident did not make me angry or upset, I just couldn't figure out why I kept thinking about it, but now I know.
Linda responded:
Thank you for sharing about your visit with your mother-in-law and how God used this incident to speak to you. THAT is what hearkening is all about. Nothing really mystical, is it? Really it's quite simple.
You are on the path of walking in liberty with Christ, my dear sister-in-the-Lord. It's a very secure place to BE. All your doings will be rooted in your love for and thanksgiving to Him rather than in making your "self" look good.
You will be able to love people, like your mother-in-law, who don't agree with you. Not only that, you will also be able to learn from people you don't agree with as God can speak to you through them, just like He did with your mother-in-law. You only need the ears to hear, and you are developing those as you willingly obey Him. And you won't have to live up to any man's (or woman's) image because Christ will be your all!
Thank You, Lord, that You are indeed the one and only Person we truly need and that You will never leave us nor forsake. What a promise!
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Linda responded:
The first thing I would check for is, Why doesn't your child want to eat something? Perhaps it makes him or her ill.
Two of my children (the ones who were the picky eaters) have food intolerances. My other three children eat A LOT and eat just about anything you put in front of them.
You know, my husband and I really never made a big deal about eating and I am thankful now that we did not because, as I said, we found out (after some health issues with these two children) that they don't like to eat because certain foods make them ill. One of my summer projects is searching cookbooks for foods that these two children can actually enjoy. Eating does not give them pleasure; it's a chore. And I'd like to help them by finding foods that they can enjoy.
So, am I answering your question? Probably not. But I do know, my dear sister, that listening to our children and helping them to listen to their own bodies will go a long way in maintaining good health—both physically and relationally.
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Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.
It's more of defiance. She's done that with other foods. Also, we don't have the money (and me the time) to fix and prep things that she likes. If it turns out that she has a problem with something, sure. But, right now (as I'm seeking the Lord for wisdom), it seems more of defiance. I see that as catering to her and not learning to be obedient and thankful for what Momma has cooked and Dad had provided through working. |
Linda responded:
You know, I've found that we must be careful what we set up as obedience issues. Thankfulness, yes. I agree the children should be thankful for what we put before them; but obedience?
I have heard of other parents who see the issue the way that you do (catering to her), and perhaps there is some merit there. My husband and I simply have not chosen to make eating food an obedience issue in our home. Most likely, it's because the Lord Who created our children knew of their food issues and kept us from setting up eating food as an obedience issue (perhaps too it's because our other children eat voraciously and without complaining). He may be doing something different in your lives with this circumstance. Just keep your ears open to Him and let Him lead you.
Lord, give Your child, my dear sister, the wisdom she seeks for her particular relationships and circumstances. Help her to grow in relationship with her children as she grows in relationship with You.
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Thanks for your prayers. Since I sent my response, the Lord has spoken through my sweet husband. She'll get fed and she'll basically "win" because we love her and don't want her to starve. LOL I believe the Lord is teaching me about showing His goodness. He's good to me. I can act stubborn just like she is being. I can choose to say no to something He has given me and yet, He still loves and gives me more. I still don't believe it has something to do with a health issue or anything like that. I trust we both can agree and disagree on that issue (smile). But, I have learned my lesson. Which I can say has humbled me because I thought it was HER who was going to learn a lesson. I guess I was wrong! LOL Our children are such blessings. Thanks SO MUCH, Linda, for reading my trouble of the day. LOL |
Linda responded:
Do you see how God is parenting you!
This is exactly what I want women to learn by the Spirit. We really cannot give each other solutions to our issues. That is God's job. But we can point each other to the One Who has the answer for our particular relationships and circumstances. The outward/external issues we face are for training us moms (and dads) to depend on the Spirit of God. He loves you! :-)
Linda
P.S. I don't see us disagreeing or agreeing on anything related to the conversation between us :-) What has happened is that the Lord has used the same circumstances to teach us what we needed to learn as individuals. This is how the Spirit of God works—individually in each of our lives.
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Amen, Linda. Praise God. I love how you put that. It's truly something that I think needs to be put in a book. Hmmm, think and pray more on it! LOL Seriously, we as young moms don't hear that and we should because we all are different. We need to hear what the Holy Spirit is telling us in our parenting. Not, someone's experiences. “The outward/external issues we face are for training us moms (and dads) to depend on the Spirit of God.” This is what we need to get through parenting. I hope I'm making sense. Basically, I'm amening with joy in what you're saying and desire the same thing. Praise God for our online friendship. |
Linda responded:
I praise God for our online friendship as well. I love to see women grow! :-)
Often I wonder if what I share is too “out there”—not practical enough or specific enough for others to apply to their own lives. Your testimony has been such a blessing to me!
God has reaffirmed to me that He is more than able to speak into the lives of those with ears to hear. All of us simply need to develop our hearkening skills. As we draw closer to the Lord of our lives, we will hear Him through our everyday circumstances. You are a testimony to this truth!
Continue to abide, my dear sister and friend, and He will come alongside you to teach you how to parent your specific children through your unique relationships and circumstances.
You may change how you deal with your daughter’s eating habits over time, but this lesson that the Lord has taught you through these circumstances will remain with you as He continues to mold you and grow you. Praise Him!
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