PARENTING YOUNG CHILDREN

EXAMPLE OF CHILD TRAINING

Grace-Based Parenting
Rooted in God’s Love ~ Expressed as Godly Behavior

Parenting Overview Introduction

• Develop Grace-Based Parenting Skills
• Operate from a Pro-Active Mindset
  • Frog and Toad Metaphor
• Think from a Godly Worldview

COME ALONGSIDE

When our son was three-and-a-half, I began coming alongside him, reminding him to make his bed each morning.

First, I made the bed with him for quite a while and showed him how to check that the blankets were neatly straightened and the pillow was at the top and how to put his favorite stuffed animal in the corner (his bed is against the wall).

Eventually he began making it with me—jumping all over it and getting it messy again. I would stop and "chat" with him using his big teddy bear whom he affectionately calls “Big Bear,” and he loved this game we played. He would laugh and roll around while “Big Bear” played with him.

As a sidenote, I think he really believed the bear was talking because when the head started to become undone at the neck area and the stuffing was falling out, I was going to sew it. But my son said, "No, mama, he won't be able to talk."

Well, after a few months of this, he started making his bed on his own. Now, mind you, it wasn’t the most perfectly made bed, but it was his best job. So I commented to him what nice job he had done and how cute "Big Bear" looked in the corner there, snoozing away so comfy-like.

FOCUS ON RELATIONSHIP, NOT TASK

This time of training him in bed-making took about nine months to a year because I was not focused on getting the bed made; I was focused on the relationship I was building with him and the fun we were having with our “Big Bear” chats. I put away his PJs each morning and cleaned up any clothing that needed to be put in the hamper while he worked on getting his bed made.

ADD APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF RESPONSIBILITY

After he had developed the good habit of getting his bed made, I decided it was time for a little more responsibility. He could now begin to put his own jammies away.

VALIDATE GROWING CHARACTER

Each morning when he would awaken and come to my room, I would say, "Sweetie, is your bed made?" He would beam that beautiful smile and nod his head. I would validate his diligence: "Great! You are such a big boy because you remember to do that each morning so diligently. Now go get yourself dressed and remember to put your jammies in your drawer."

EXPECT CHILDISH FORGETFULNESS

Of course, some mornings the jammies would be on the floor. I didn't see this as disobedience. I saw it as training. He just forgot. He's a child. I would look around the room and say, "Oops! I think you forgot to do something." He would shrug or make that funny sound for "I don't know" or some such thing and I would point to the jammies.

ENCOURAGE OBEDIENCE

Some days he would complain, "Could you put them away?" I would say, "Let's do it together because I know you want to obey. Look how you are obeying Mommy by making that bed so well." And we would do it together. Eventually he began putting them away himself. I didn't set him up to be disobedient. I built upon his obedience in the bed-making.

I then added putting his dirty clothes in the hamper to his morning chores. One morning whenI went into his room, his bed was neatly made, Big Bear snoozing away in the corner, and his jammies were kinda in the drawer (with the little feetie things hanging out, but he had done his best). But the dirty clothes were still on the floor and he was sitting at his little desk area coloring.

I said, "Oops, I think you forgot to get these clothes gathered up and put in the hamper. When you're finished with your project there, please remember to put those clothes in the hamper." Then I went to my younger daughter’s room to check on the progress of her morning room chores.

BE QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO ANGER

When I came back to my four-year-old son’s room, his dirty clothes were still on the floor. I said, "Sweetie, remember Mommy's instruction to put your clothes in the hamper." And he burst into tears and started ranting something. I said, "Darlin', you may speak anything you want to me but you may not speak in that tone. Calm down and tell me what's happening."

I held him for a while on his bed, kissing his little head and rubbing his back, and he eventually said, "My no can put clothes in hamper because..." and he proceeded to tell me that his underwear had a little mark on it and he didn't want to touch it. I said, "Mommy will put the undies in the hamper and you put away the rest of the clothes." Off he went and did what was asked.

I share this real-life story to illustrate grace-based parenting. I could have set my precious son up to disobey. I could have given a command—“put your clothes in the hamper"—and when he didn't do it, I could have spanked for disobedience.

Instead, I gave him time to think about my instruction so he could obey with a willing heart, just like he's been doing all along with the bed-making. He had a reason, in his little four-year-old mind, not to touch the undies, and I took the time to listen to that.

My focus as a grace-based parent is to build a relationship with each of my children, show them that I am willing to listen to their hearts, but I still expect them to obey.

You may be asking, “So what if my young child is willfully disobeying me. Then what?” Perhaps the parenting article on Consequences for Disobedience will give you some ideas for prayerful consideration.

Parenting Overview Introduction
View Conflicts As Opportunities

• Develop Grace-Based Parenting Skills
  Rooted in God’s Love ~ Expressed as Godly Behavior

• Operate From A Pro-Active Mindset
  Prepare ~ Plant ~ Water ~ Weed
  • Frog and Toad Metaphor
    Waiting by Faith

• Think From A Godly Worldview
  Evaluate the Message ~ Discern the Truth

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