I work from home providing closed-captions for live broadcasts on television. In one news magazine program I recently captioned, the journalist reported on the difference between accident statistics at traffic circles (or rotaries or round-abouts as others call them) and at four-way intersections with traffic lights or stop signs.

After listening to this report, two things stuck in my mind:

1. Drivers pay the most attention when conditions seem the most dangerous. When conditions seem safe, they don’t pay careful attention.

2. While maneuvering through traffic circles, drivers react to people instead of signs and regulations; i.e., most drivers pay attention and communicate with each other.

The report’s bottom line: There are fewer accidents at the rotaries because people need to be alert to what’s happening around them. While navigating rotaries, there’s no falling asleep at the wheel, no expectations that others will follow the rules, and no false security.

Definitions Complacency: Self-satisfaction accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies. ~Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary Sufficiency: Enough; an adequate quantity; a quantity that is large enough to achieve a purpose. ~wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

I prayerfully pondered this piece on rotaries for a few days and discovered that the application I gleaned from this report reflected what God had been teaching me about how to live my life: with contentment but not complacency. He had taken me from the predictable, seemingly secure yet rigid “four-way intersection” lifestyle I desired to an energetic, firmly established yet flexible “rotary lifestyle” He desired. Through this report on rotaries and the study I’ll share with you in this ezine, He revealed to me why He made this change in my life.

The “four-way intersection lifestyle” gives us security—false security.

Metaphorically, because the traffic lights or stop signs of the four-way intersection lifestyle tell us what to do and when, we don’t need to observe what others around us are doing; we can simply stop and let them pass without a care about where they’re going or what they’re doing. We don’t even need to think about what we ourselves are doing or why. We just follow the rules and expect a predictable outcome.

We may be comfortable with this security, but we can become complacent, unaware of actual dangers or deficiencies, which may take us by surprise and lead us to unexpected accidents. The unanticipated consequences of false security can shake us out of our complacency. Praise the Lord!

When our circumstances begin to confuse or overwhelm us, our first reaction may be to search for additional props or rules to make us feel more secure. So we create images to walk in, leaving us in our complacent state. Created images often cause us to reason with a bargaining mindset: “I have done A-B-C, so God will do X-Y-Z.”

Whereas, the “rotary lifestyle” can be daunting at first.

Sometimes we don’t even want to enter a rotary. And if we do enter because our circumstances leave us with no other choice, we’d rather let someone else drive as we close our eyes to what’s happening around us.

I would suggest that one of the reasons we don’t want to enter rotaries is because our props—the traffic lights and stop signs—are removed. Without those props, we actually have to think for ourselves and be alert to dangers around us and to opportunities to minister to others.

Metaphorically, as we live the rotary lifestyle, not only do we have to become thinkers and be alert to dangers and opportunities, but we also must evaluate our own hearts frequently and invite God to reveal to us our own deficiencies (ouch!). We also must yield our whole beings to the Lord rather than walk in the security of self-satisfaction within the images we create.

REJOICING IN REALITY

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective), to grow spiritually we must be willing to enter a rotary lifestyle and readily give up the intersection props that give us security. As much as we as Christians may want external props to guide us specifically along our way and to think for us, as much as we may want to fall into complacent living, Christian women who truly want to grow spiritually will often find themselves confronted with a rotary lifestyle. The props that gave them security will be taken away; they will find that God Himself is sufficient (see definitions box above) to guide them through what He is doing internally in their lives. Praise Him! No falling asleep at the wheel on the rotary of life! As soon as we’re complacent, something comes at us from the right and then left. We swerve. We may even encounter that unexpected accident that leaves our motors running hot but our car at a standstill while we learn to communicate gracefully, mercifully, and hopefully with the others who were involved in the accident. Praise the Lord again!

Contentment autarkeia Strong’s Number (841) a perfect condition of life in which no aid or support is needed sufficiency of the necessities of life a mind contented with its lot, contentment From autarkēs (842) sufficient for one's self, strong enough or possessing enough to need no aid or support independent of external circumstances contented with one's lot From arkeō (714) to be possessed of unfailing strength to be strong, to suffice, to be enough to defend, ward off to be satisfied, to be contented Primary root: airō (142) to take upon one's self and carry what has been raised up, to bear ~Blue Letter Bible

Yes, I did discover why the Lord of my life moved me from four-way intersection living to the rotary-lifestyle:

You might be asking, How does the Spirit of God strengthen us through rotary-living so we are satisfied with our lot and content?

Two verses give us a glimpse into the answer to this question.

Godliness eusebeia Strong’s Number (2150) Denotes that piety which, characterized by a Godward attitude, does that which is well-pleasing to Him. In 1 Timothy 6:3, “the doctrine which is according to godliness” signifies that which is consistent with “godliness,” in contrast to false teachings. In 1 Timothy 3:16, “the mystery of godliness” is “godliness” as embodied in, and communicated through, the truths of the faith concerning Christ.” In 2 Peter 3:11, the word is in the plural, signifying acts of “godliness.” ~Vine’s Expository Dictionary

Be self-controlled and alert. ~1 Peter 5:8 First, He instructs us—and then comes alongside us—to be self-controlled and alert to the “traffic” He is allowing into our rotary. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. ~1 Timothy 6:11b-12a Secondly, He teaches us to be pursuers. We cannot be self-satisfied or unaware of the dangers and deficiencies around us—i.e., we cannot be complacent—when we are actively living the above verse. Rejoice in that reality!

REACHING CHILDREN

Continuing with this metaphor, parents embracing the rotary-life pay close attention to their children’s growing internal heart-character rather than their external rule-following behavior. In fact, as children mature, the props/rules are slowly removed as children learn to navigate their own rotary-life and become strong, satisfied with their lot in life, and content.

During the early parenting years, young children are like passengers in the parent’s car on the rotary. The parent brings her children alongside her in the “car of life,” enjoying her time with them, securing their hearts. She limits activities that draw her children’s hearts away from her and from what God is doing in her and through her. She also makes a few child-specific rules for her children to apply in the car, preparing them to be alert to her teaching when they are mature enough to reason.

As her children begin to reason, the parent steers her children’s hearts and minds to pay attention to the things “out there” that they will need to face when they themselves become independent drivers.

Together, they look out the window at the traffic approaching, and the rotary parent dialogues about what she sees and does as she avoids life-threatening accidents, teaching her children how to live (or drive in this metaphor) by her often flawed example, pointing them to the work that God is doing in her heart and mind, and teaching them to discern the Voice of the Lord in their own lives. They become steadfast in the Foundation which is Christ, not in ever-changing rules and images that please men.

When steadfast children take the wheel, rules or images will not govern their lives and they will wisely navigate through the rotary of life. They have discovered—just as the parent has discovered with them—that godliness with contentment is great gain.

In the beginning, rotary parenting requires more time for the parents than four-way intersection parenting. When many stop signs or traffic lights guide the external behavior of the child, it seems that the child is obedient (Proverbs 14:12). Additionally, the parent of a seemingly obedient child may become complacent, missing the dangers lurking in the heart of the child, because the adherence to rules and expectations of fulfilled images does not bump the heart of the child to reveal what is really inside that needs the touch of the God.

On the other hand, allowing children to ride along with you on the rotary of life—free from many rules and images—bumps not only their hearts but also yours. The parent learns to dialogue about real-life issues that pop up unexpectedly and often, rather than manipulatively control her children through traffic lights and stop signs.

Living in real life moment by moment requires more time and attention than a contrived, superficial life of burdensome rules and shallow images. But all the time invested in the beginning, laying the sure Foundation, yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:11) in relationships.

Read more about these topics:
Exercising Godly Authority
Coming Alongside Your Children
Leading Your Child to the Cross
Images That Bind
Parenting

RESTORING MARRIAGE

Here are a few word pictures of rotary marriages that need the healing touch of God:

Perhaps you and/or your husband is

• a stalled driver, parking in the middle of the traffic circle of your home—not growing, not contributing, (1 Peter 2:2)

• a reckless driver, causing all sorts of commotion because the will is not submitted to the Spirit of God, (James 4:7-10)

• a horn honker, commanding everyone to make way, bullying a path into “leadership,” (Ephesians 6:4)

• an anxious driver, searching fearfully for the props you think provide security (2 Timothy 1:7).

So what does a healthy rotary marriage look like?

First and foremost, both the wife and the husband submit to one other in the traffic circle of their lives. Before Ephesians 5:22 comes Ephesians 5:21. They yield to each other, looking out for each other.

They respect and love each other (I Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25). I always found it enlighteningly freeing that Titus 2:4 uses the word philos (see box to your right) when instructing older women to teach younger women to love their husbands and their children. A healthy rotary marriage is a fun adventure between friends who wish each other well and support each other’s interests and personal pursuits, like good friends do. When my husband and I were working through the hard times in our marriage, we found that pursuing something fun together—photography in our case—helped us to encourage one another, beginning the process of healing hurtful wounds from our past.

[The older women] can train the younger women to love* their husbands and children. ~Titus 2:4 ~~~~~~~~~~ *Love in Titus 2:4 philos Strong’s Number (5384) friend, to be friendly to one, wish him well a friend an associate he who associates familiarly with one, a companion ~Blue Letter Bible

Today, because of that healing, we are each other’s cheerleaders in the things we pursue together and the things we pursue separately.

My husband heads—or sets the direction for—our family life (Ephesians 5:23). He is not an ogre who expects me to acquiesce unthinkingly; rather, he is a servant who respects me (1 Peter 3:7) and desires my insightful input. We are heirs together of the gracious gift of life.

Is our marriage perfect? Of course not! But it is growing as we submit to, yield to, respect, encourage, and partner together on the rotary of life. Rules and images—props that gave us security—have been slowly lifted so we can walk freely… or to continue this metaphor…to drive freely as individuals, enjoying our relationship with each other. We have truly learned to love/philos each other as friends and are now companions as well as lovers.

I pray that the Lord heals your marriage, if it is broken, and strengthens the marriage of all the readers of the ezine as each of you releases to Him the props that give you false security. Let Him renew your mind about what a healthy marriage is.

HEART TO HEART

Where are your “secure” four-way intersections of life?

• At church?
• At your women’s Bible study?
• Your homeschool co-op?
• Your parenting rules?
• Your marriage images?

You know what to do and what’s expected, but are you really connecting—communicating the depths of your heart and listening to the depths of another’s heart—with the people in your sphere of influence?

Are you aware of the dangers or deficiencies of the images you embrace—images that give you false security?

And are you aware of the many opportunities the Lord gives you daily to minister to the heart needs of your children, your husband, and a few others He has allowed into the traffic circle of your life?

Don’t fall asleep at the wheel!

Be self-controlled and alert.

Pursue godliness.

Fight the good fight—battle for relationships.

Let Him strengthen you on the rotary of life so you will be satisfied with your lot (not with your self) and content but not complacent.

Let it be, Lord!

SHARE YOUR TESTIMONIES

As this ezine grows, I hope to share your testimonies of how the Lord is releasing you to His love and how the outpouring of His love is overflowing in your relationships with your husband and children.

Please contact me if you would like to share a thought, idea, or testimony that you think would encourage and uplift other subscribers to this ezine.

I would love to hear from you.

~Acts 17:28a

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