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Wanting life to be fair is a desire of the flesh! Let’s examine that statement a little more closely. If you stop to think about it, our flesh does not really want what's fair but rather our flesh wants what it perceives will satisfy its lusts.
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Let’s compare and contrast two mindsets:
versus Valuing Individuality
If you believe that “fair means equal,” you will
act on that belief.
If you reject the belief that “fair means equal,” you will act on that belief. You will:
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God does not treat each of us the same because each of us is created differently to function as a different part of His Body. Look at how he dealt with the children of Israel (babes in Christ, so to speak): with the Law. But as Christians mature, God deals with us through relationship with Him, through His Spirit. That example reveals to us how we are to deal with our children as well: first with the “Law” that leads them to Christ and then through relationship where they have much freedom in Christ.
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pit parent against child and child against child as well.
Also these kinds of teachings on fairness encourage us to compare ourselves to others, which causes discontentment in our lives and the lives of our children. Christ is.
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EXAMPLE 1
When your young children are playing with toys and you hear one of them say things like, "I want that" and grab it or "It's my turn now; you've been playing with it longer than I have," remind them that
Suggest to the one who is currently playing with the toy: “I’ll be happy to share this with you when I’m finished. I should be done in about 10 minutes.” Set no time limit for how long each one plays so that it's fair. Why? Because if you set a timer, your children will not be satisfied with their current activity as they wait for that timer to ding. They will be looking at what another has and comparing instead of finding satisfaction in what they currently have.
Perhaps the more mature child (that doesn’t necessarily mean the older child) will have to wait until tomorrow to play with that particular toy! The less mature one (that doesn’t necessarily mean the younger one) will learn over time to wait and learn to ask instead of grab because you are training them specifically to be content and because they have the examples of the more mature ones before them.
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EXAMPLE 2
One day my daughter asked, "Why don't you ever hang up any of my stuff?" And I answered, "Because you don't make any stuff to hang up. But it's okay. We enjoy listening to the poems you recite, the music you play, and the play-acting you do. You don't need to be an artist like your brother." The sibling jealousy and rivalry was curtailed in her life before it began because I obeyed God by affirming who she is and led her to rejoice with her brother's giftings rather than to compare herself to him. Rejoice with—rather than compare yourself with—others. Now that they are teens because each of them respects the other as individuals, they appreciate one another and learn from each other.
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EXAMPLE 3
When the older child is dissatisfied with how you discipline the younger, it's again a question of “fair means equal” in his mind. Remind your children that fair does not mean equal. You would not expect your first-grader to do the laundry, although your 10th-grader can. It would be fair if they both took turns at the laundry, but it certainly wouldn’t be right.
The abiding parent will receive wisdom from God to know what is right for each particular situation. The older child has to trust that the parent is doing what is best for that particular situation. The child will trust the parent who has built a relationship with the child over time.
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It’s fruitful to
When my children were younger, they would bicker. I would take them to the “hot seat,” (i.e., my lap), look them in the eyes, and ask them one of two questions:
Sometimes the child would evade the question by answering: “Well, he started it.” My response?
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We moms need to stop wanting life to be fair, stop comparing ourselves to others, and stop yearning for what we don’t have. Instead, we must contentedly dwell in the reality of our circumstances, prayerfully examine what’s in our hearts which is manifested by our behavior, and begin rejoicing with those who rejoice. is much harder than mourning with those who mourn. As we ourselves find Life in Christ, we will model His Life-in-us before our children. His love will draw them to us and ultimately to Him. Instead of attempting fairness and comparing your children to each other and/or comparing yourself and your circumstances to others:
for my husband, my children, my circumstances. By the power of Your Spirit, teach me not to compare but to become content.
is great gain. ~I Timothy 2:6
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Example 1. 
Suggest to the one grabbing or whining that she say this: "When you're finished with that toy, may I play with it? I'll wait."
My son enjoys drawing, whereas my daughter does not. My son currently keeps his drawings neatly tucked away in binders, but when he was younger I hung his drawings up around the house.
