HOMESCHOOLING BEGINS WITH HOME
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Now I was entering middle school, metaphorically speaking. My emotions didn’t rule anymore but my will did.
A New Desire.
His grace during my initial growth process also brought about a new desire in my heart: the desire for fellowship with Him—deep, meaningful fellowship. I began a season of study. Among other things, I studied the Levitical sacrifices and gained such a deep appreciation of Who Christ is to me personally. |
the renewed mind revealed to me Holy God which brought me to my knees in confession, repentance, and obedience. As he stripped away what bound me, He was becoming Lord of my life! |
But the more I got to know Who He is, the more He revealed to me the images I accepted that kept me from the deep fellowship I so desired.
His Response.
He responded to my desire for intimate fellowship by asking me to let Him strip away images that bound. I needed to cooperate with Him in obedience, to submit my will to His.
He did not crush my will. He simply strengthened my spirit so my will would take its rightful place: under His Lordship. In fact, I would even go as far as to say that he strengthened my resolve—my will—to obey only Him.
Even though I was still very weak and had many doubts, He was becoming Lord of my life as I abided to the best of my understanding at the time.
My response.
But abiding wasn’t easy because the conflicts—both the external conflicts of my circumstances and those devastating internal ones—loomed heavy on my day and in my heart.
Since I did desire to cooperate with Him in obedience, I changed my response to the conflict. Now when things didn’t go my way, instead of moaning and complaining, I began to ask, “Why? What do you want me to learn, Lord? Where can I change? What is keeping me from receiving your wisdom for these situations? How can I reach my children’s hearts like You are reaching mine?”
The Three-Fold Application.
Through this season of often painful growth I learned three things—(yes! The Lord continued to be the Guide of my education)—that I began to teach my own children:
- Confession means agreeing with God.
Although I didn’t see it at the time, I wanted the man-created utopian lifestyle that many Christians promised if only I chose to do what they do. They promised me God’s best, according to their standards of “best.” But I discovered that God promised me His Life (John 10:10).
I learned to agree with God—confess—that I wanted what man (or woman) offered more than I wanted His Life and liberty (2 Corinthians 3:17). I agreed that I was following others without examining the fruit of their lives. I succumbed to their images. I began to repent from following the images that bound me.
And there are many, many images (idols, the Bible calls them) that homeschoolers embrace. I’ll share two images from opposite ends of the spectrum and pray that the Spirit of God will open your eyes to any images you may be embracing this moment:
- Competitiveness with…
- …the school system; i.e., “I can give my child a better education than the system” or “I cannot meet all the system requirements and so I give up.”
- …each other; i.e., “Susie is doing such-and-such. So should I” or “I am doing such-and-so, so should you.”
- …the school system; i.e., “I can give my child a better education than the system” or “I cannot meet all the system requirements and so I give up.”
- Irresponsibility in the form of…
- …laziness; i.e., “God will provide. I need not do a thing.”
- …excuses; i.e., “That’s just the way I am. I can’t change how I relate to my children. They’re going to have to shape up. It’s their problem, not mine.”
- …laziness; i.e., “God will provide. I need not do a thing.”
As God changed my heart through this very painful season, He helped me to address my children’s hearts too. Their deskwork activities were becoming more of a spiritual training ground rather than an academic-performance exercise.
- Competitiveness with…
- Repentance means to make a 180-degree change of direction.
First I agreed with God (confessed) that I was embracing binding images that were hurting our home atmosphere and needlessly injuring relationships. I also agreed with Him (confessed again) that through the conflicts He was speaking to me.
Then I decided by an act of my will (repented) to turn away from lifeless formulas that offer (false) security and turn to the living Christ Who offers wisdom and liberty. I would still listen to others’ suggestions but I would prayerfully evaluate them in light of what He was teaching me before applying ideas willy-nilly to my life and the lives of my children. I was growing up into Christ, my Head.
As I genuinely repented, the fears that bound me related to homeschooling—the fear of the school system, the fear that I couldn’t do enough, the fear that I didn’t have the qualifications, the fear that I would mess up my children’s lives—started to fall away.
As His love for me released me from fear of man and man’s systems, He became my fear and dread (Isaiah 8:13) and calmed my heart (Psalm 46:10).
As He taught me about genuine repentance, I taught my children.
- Obedience means to listen, to be persuaded by His Voice which speaks to me moment by moment, and then to walk by faith.
My times in prayer would be meaningless without my daily walk in obedience. I had been wrestling with God, like Jacob, and now it was time to obey. I needed to face the conflicts with confidence that He would guide me as I abided (Genesis 32:24-26).
Very, very often as I would be speaking to my children, my own words would convict me! I knew my Father-God was speaking to me about my strong will, my disobedience, my self-centeredness, my sin. Yes, as I obeyed, He was at work in my heart as I was working in my children’s hearts!
An Overview of this Season.
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Hope for You!
Wherever you are right now, my dear sister, He loves you. Let His love for you cast out your fears. Let His love begin to fill your heart. Your love will ebb and flow, but His will not. Believe Him when He tells you that He loves you, even when you sin. He is teaching you how to love your children, even and especially when they sin. You do not have to “get your act together” through this season of growth. You do not have to put your children on hold. Begin to live the genuine Christian life before them now—one of confession, repentance, and obedience. Perhaps, like me, Do you see that your desire to homeschool your children
Will you be a willing student, a willing disciple? You may not be able, (Philippians 2:13) ~~~~~~~~~~ |
At the beginning of this heart-wrenching process of confession, repentance, and obedience, I cried more than I rejoiced.
“I am not able, Lord. I cannot do what You have asked me to do. I am a failure. I get angry too often. I get depressed too often. I can’t. I’m not You, Lord. I don’t have Your wisdom. I can’t put my children on hold while You change me. I have to get up tomorrow and face my day. I can’t.” And do you know what I found out about my God through confessing these thoughts to Him? and He loved me anyway! (Jeremiah 31:3) Selah!
Believe that He loves you right where you are and abide there. Let Him strengthen your spirit so that your will takes its rightful place under His Lordship. At this point, you may be asking the same thing I did. “Okay. So I am willing to let Him change me, but I still have to educate my children. I now know what to not to do—yell, scream, complain—but I still don’t know what to do. Help!” Asking those same questions, I decided to pray for the gift of teaching. “Teach me, Lord, how to teach my children.” He did teach me but not in the way I expected. Another valuable season of renewing my mind led me to the understanding that the gift of teaching is simply the overflow of the love of learning. And so began my season of naturally acquiring knowledge with my children in preparation for in-depth seasons of study as they matured. |
to do immeasurably more than
all we ask or imagine,
according to His power
that is at work within us,
to Him be glory in the church and
in Christ Jesus throughout all generations,
for ever and ever!
Amen.
~Ephesians 3:20
Continue with Season 3: A Prospering Soul.
Additional articles related to the theme of Relationship:
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