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Relate to Your Particular Child:
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Avoid Pigeonholing

As we homeschool our children, we moms sometimes latch on to our children’s interests and prematurely label those interests as “something for their future.”

Instead of pigeonholing, we moms can simply

• let our children enjoy their interests and

• encourage them to embrace their own learning processes through those interests as we come alongside them to help them develop the skills they need to become all they were created to become.

When my oldest child was under ten years old, she loved horses.

She read about horses and played make-believe horses.

When she would ride on a merry-go-round, she'd dismount the carousel horse and wipe it down (like you would a real horse).

Because I wanted to help my daughter become all she was created to become but yet I was still growing in applying Godly wisdom to circumstances in our family life, I pigeonholed that interest by thinking, "She'll be a vet or a serious horse-something-or-another."

To continue with this example…

In 1998, when my daughter was eight, our family went to the State Fair for the day. We visited a 4-H children’s area about horses. The display included, among many things, fake horses—little stick ponies for young children to “ride” and a saw-horse with a saddle, fake horse head, and reins for older children to ride.

Right next to that 4-H area was an arena with young ladies riding and showing real horses. My daughter was so engrossed with riding the fake horse, slapping its neck with the reins like she was off on some chase—never paying any attention to the real horses right next door.

As I was watching this scene unfold, I realized that my daughter enjoyed play-acting the action in books about horses, not necessarily horses themselves. A big chunk of her learning involved play-acting, and this interest in horses was no different.

After this revelation, instead of trying to predict where this interest may lead by pigeonholing her as a future vet, I began simply to enjoy this interest in action-packed play with her.

We play-acted Egyptians in chariots, Greeks and Trojans at war, Romans in battle, Joshua and the wall at Jericho, Queen Elizabeth on a royal tour, colonial girls cooking meals, pioneers slogging through the mud in covered wagons. We included her younger siblings in this play as well. They became the queen’s maids, Greek enemies, Romans guards, Egyptian servants, pioneer boys. What fun!

She became the child I “unintentionally unschooled.” As I got to know my precious child, I learned to meet her particular needs. We developed a close bond throughout this process of my learning to love her unconditionally as she embraced her own learning in her own way. No pigeonholing necessary.

Thankfully, the Lord reinforced this same lesson for me within a month’s time, during the same summer when my oldest son was around five or six. God is so good to come alongside us moms by His Spirit and confirm what He speaks to our hearts, isn’t He?

My son loved to design ships from popsicle sticks, egg cartons, balsa wood, models... so, of course, I pigeonholed: I thought he'd go into the navy!

One day we went to the ocean and he put his little toe in the edge of the water and ran away.

So I questioned, "Darlin’, I thought you would love the ocean because you like to build ships."

He responded, "Mom, I would never want to actually go on a ship. I just like to design them."

It was one of those Aha! moments for me. “Design, Linda. Design is what motivates this child of yours. Encourage him to design. Don’t pigeonhole him for the navy.”

I pray that through these two personal examples, you catch a glimpse of how pigeonholing your children can limit your vision.

One of the many fabulous blessings of homeschooling is simply being with your children each day and getting to know what makes them tick.

I hope that instead of pigeonholing your children on a surface level, you will embrace coming alongside your children as you

Remember, too, that the lessons they learn—and the lessons you learn as you relate to them and with them—while pursuing the process of developing an interest are just as important (sometimes more important!) as the interest itself.

I would encourage you to pray for revelation about your children’s heart motivations.

• As you watch them play when they’re young or
• observe what they engage with when they’re older

pray to see with God the Creator’s eyes who your children really are deep down.

Why?

• Instead of creating an image for them to embrace, you can build a relationship with them as you get to know who they really are.

  Their interests won’t define them. You will see their interests as the external manifestations of who they are at that particular season in their lives.

• When they know what motivates them, they can pursue various seemingly unrelated interests like my son did with his interest in design (read more about that here.)

• When you know what motivates them, then you can provide your children with the tools they need to encourage their internal heart motivation rather than only develop their external interest.

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