MARRIAGE COMMUNICATION

The two intertwined components of marriage communication—love and respect—will be present in growing Christian marriages.

As both husband and wife walk by the Spirit, He will teach each how to love and respect the other.

Spirit-life will keep couples from accepting the prevalent teachings that establish a hierarchy within the marriage.

As you grow individually in the Spirit, instead of trying to live out man’s interpretation of Scripture, your love and respect for each other will grow. Your heart-to-heart communication, as you are subject to one another, will set the stage for marital unity.

1. Listen to each other.
   1. Reiterate what your mate is trying to relate to you. Then speak your heart.

   2. Seek wholeheartedly to understand the essence of your mate’s position on the issue as you communicate.

   3. Exercise grace when listening to your mate’s presentation of an issue. Even if the position is presented with little tact, let grace abound in your marriage communication.

   Ask the Lord to teach you how to
   draw out what is in your mate’s heart.
   (Proverbs 20:5)

2. Be open to changing your mind, not set on changing your mate’s mind.
   1. Let the growth of your marriage relationship be more important than being right, being head, being submissive, being in counterfeit unity. Godly headship and submission are the fruit of abiding, not some man-made image you put on.

   2. Take your mate’s reproofs, exhortations, and counsel before the Lord instead of dismissing them. God uses relationships and circumstances to grow you. Don’t dismiss what the Spirit is trying to teach you through your mate.

   3. Give preference to one other. Husbands and wives can learn to die to self as they lay down what gives them their security and identity (head of the home/submissive wife, for example) and, instead, walk with the Lord in humility rather than in images that puff them up.

   Let the Spirit teach you how to
   be subject to each other
   as you learn to open your hearts to each other
   and deeply enhance your marriage communication.

3. Be willing to agree to disagree with prayers toward unity.

   Disagreement within the marriage is not sin. Many teachings advocate doormat submission, using misinterpretations of Scripture to back up oppressive doctrine, when there is disagreement between husband and wife. The sound doctrine of Christ heals, gives sight, and frees; it does not promote doormat submission. When husband and wife do not have unity on an issue, the Lord can grow them if they are willing to turn to Him as the individual Head of their lives.

   You may be asking, What if my husband does not know the Lord yet or is not walking in the Spirit? How can we improve our marriage communication? My dear sister, I have been in this same position. I pray this article will give you some insights for your particular circumstances.

The fourth article in this Marriage Articles series addresses Headship in more detail.

Or continue with Part 3, mutual submission.

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