MARRIAGE ARTICLES

SUBMISSION

A Changed Husband’s Perspective

As you have read through the marriage section of this Christian website, I hope you have been examining your mindset, especially related to Biblical submission—a heart attitude of willingly placing yourself under others to release them to love and become all God created them to be.

Women who have practiced the unBiblical doormat submission often find their marriages unfulfilling. Their desire to submit does not seem to bring about the fruit of a loving marriage that reflects Christ and His Body the Church.

Why?

Often they don’t want to confront the issues that drain their marriages because they fear they will be labeled as un-submissive or a Jezebel or because the confrontation will lead to much upheaval in the home.

My husband Tim and I experienced many years of marital turmoil—two years where neither of us were Christians, a 16-month separation (we lived 2,000 miles apart), six years where we were unequally yoked, four years of carnal Christian living, and the last 14 years of growing together in unity.

Although our marriage is not perfect, the Lord is perfecting or maturing both of us and consequently our marriage grows sweeter each day. Praise His Name!

One morning while we were exercising together, I talked with my husband about the above question and the following one.

Isn't that beautiful...

• from a man who has been confronted a lot by his wife—that’s me!—over our many years of marriage;

• from a man who has personally grown through those confrontations and has helped his wife to grow as well;

• from a man who has been released to love his wife because he has faced his sin and self and repented?

How Should a Wife Address Issues with Her Husband?

I asked Tim what he thought was the best way for a wife to confront her husband about issues, and he told me to share something with you that happened one weekend between us.

To give you a little background, at the young age of 58, Tim returned to college to finish his bachelor's degree. Since he felt his compositions skills were weak, I encouraged him to brush up a little by using the composition program I use with my high school-aged children. He willingly embraced that self-study for a few months. Then he had to put into practice what he learned.

His first paper was... ummm... ... well, let's just say that it needed a lot of work. So I sat with him for two days dissecting it and reviewing grammar, structure, organization, and style. As I tried to encourage him with gleeful enthusiasm—really I was submitting to him (coming under him) to lift him to his potential “writing skills” heights—he sat near me at the computer looking like a whipped puppy.

As we finished up, he sighed, "This is your paper, not mine" to which I replied, "No, it's not. The content is totally yours. I only helped you with organization and grammar/structure/style. It's your paper." He received an excellent grade!

The next paper he wrote was better, but it still took us about 1 1/2 days to work through it. He kept saying, "If I have to write something in class, I'm sunk. This is your paper, not mine" and I responded the same way: "It is your paper because the content is yours." He also received an excellent grade on that paper. Together, we worked on two or three more papers, and he received excellent grades on all of them.

Now to the weekend he wanted me to share with you.

We were getting ready to edit another one of his papers one weekend. As Tim was transferring his file onto my computer, he started to chat with me:

"Hey, Lin, have you heard about that laser surgery that doctors use to improve your vision?"

"Yes. Why? Do you want to get that?"

"Well, do you know how that works? It's a beam of very small light that cuts quickly and without much blood because it's so small. It's very effective to fix the problem but it doesn't hurt as much as a scalpel would."

"Yeah? Why are you telling me this right now?"

"Could you apply laser surgery to this paper rather than cut with the scalpel?"

I burst out laughing! What a sweet way to ask me for help but to tone down my enthusiasm a bit.

Tim wanted me to share this story with you wives as a metaphorical example of how to approach your husbands when dealing with issues in their lives:

By the way, we only spent one hour on his most recent paper.

When we finished, he kissed me and said, "Thanks for using the laser" to which I replied, "I didn't need the scalpel, darlin', because you listened to what I had to say about your previous papers and applied those things."

He responded, "I always listen to you and try to grow through what you teach me."

He really does!

God has indeed redeemed our covenant marriage! Praise His Name!

Tim and I pray with each of you women who want to submit to the Lord as you submit to your husband—that Christ’s love will be your laser as you seek Him about how to approach your precious husbands related to the issues that need addressed in their lives and in your covenant marriage partnership.

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