MARRIAGE ARTICLES

LIFE-GIVING
RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLES

Marriage on the Rocks

—I mean, really at divorce's door, where both spouses don't like to be in each other's presence and, when they are, they fight all the time because both don't understand the other's position and/or because both feel totally unloved by the other—

What might this mean practically?

Yielding to the Lord in a marriage relationship means that the wife (if she is the one yielding to God)—as she abides—prays for God to give her His love for her husband.

She will know she has received the answer to this request when her heart's desire is to willingly honor him even when he does not deserve honor based on his behavior toward her.

1. She will not become a doormat, but yet she will not be assertive either; she will instead walk in meekness (power under His perfect control).

   She will also know that God has given her His unconditional love for her husband because she will be so settled in her decision to honor the covenant of marriage that she made with her husband that she will never ever again think of divorcing him or wishing that he would die so she could be free of him.

   You can avoid doormat submission by applying the Biblical principles found in this book:

   Her heart motivation toward her husband in the marriage relationship is that her husband grow to become all God created him to be. Her prayers are geared towards revelation of her sin in the marriage, not that God would reveal her husband's sin to her. Her desire is to submit to God's leadership where her husband's is lacking; and Her ultimate hope and belief is that God, through the power of His Spirit of love, will heal and restore what has been eaten away and lost.

2. She will speak with meekness to her husband about important issues that affect their lives... in love... preferring him, after she has prayed for God's continuing love and grace to be poured out through her to her husband.

   She is purposeful, not careless in word or action, in all her dealings with him because she wants to honor him and see him grow.

   The wife will also learn not to speak about things that may damage the relationship unnecessarily or make a big deal out of little things (like if he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle instead of the bottom).

   

3. She never retaliates or keeps a record of wrongs—his or hers. When she fails (because she is growing through this process) and is rebuked by her husband for her failure, she still purposes it in her heart to honor him, knowing that these kinds of trials build her faith.
4. She abides daily in worship. As the wife walks by faith, believing that God will release her to love, she will begin to experience more peace knowing that she has given all her fears and concerns and hurts to God.

5. She will submit in the small things of everyday life. The wife will learn to submit to the small things in the marital relationship cheerfully because she will realize that submission in the small things is really a big thing. As a wife submits in small things, she is building trust in the marriage relationship.

6. She will learn to accept her husband right where he is and validate the things she can appreciate about him, even if these things do not meet the deep desires she really expected from the marriage relationship initially. She will be able to voice her appreciation for him which will edify him.

She trusts that the Lord will grow her through her marriage circumstances.

As she honors her husband in these ways and as the trust continues to build in their relationship because she demonstrates by her words and actions that she is committed to him in covenant relationship, his heart will turn to her. This process may take years.

Throughout these years, she will grow in compassion and grace, mercy and love as she allows God to meet the deep heart needs she hoped her husband would.

Unconditional love will release her husband to receive the love of God through her and release him to love others as well. Her husband is not her priest, prophet, or king. Christ becomes all these things in her life!

I experienced this process myself over 13 years.

God has restored our marriage relationship.

My husband accepted Christ as his Savior in the middle of this process, he had an overcoming experience, God healed past hurts and wounds, blessed us with five children, and continues to grow us in unity, as was His plan in the beginning.

Love never fails... love never fails. What a promise! Praise Him.

Return to Marriage Articles Page

Top of this Marriage Articles page

Return to Home Page