MARRIAGE ARTICLES
RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLES |
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- Christ is the spiritual Head of every believer.
Each one of us—woman or man—is individually responsible for our lives before the Lord. I am so thankful that my Head, Christ, my Advocate, will be the One standing with me at the final day and that even now God sees me through Christ, not through my husband or any other man.
- The husband, however, sets the direction for a family's everyday lifestyle, and that is what the Scriptures about the husband as head are all about.
For example, some husbands may be quite open to ongoing hospitality at home, enjoying the company of people on the weekends (or even during the week), while other husbands may view the home as a sanctuary away from the world.
Both of these husbands set the course—or "head"—how the family operates in regards to their home's hospitality. Both homes will look quite different because of the husband's "headship" in this area.
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The wife’s submission to a husband’s direction for family life—not Spirit life—sets the stage for marital unity.
It is within these types of everyday circumstances that we wives can submit to our husbands, which helps us to gain and ultimately hold their hearts. If a husband finds his home a sanctuary, for example, although the wife may prefer to entertain more people through home hospitality, the wife can willingly submit to her husband's headship in this area of a family or home matter.
Her respectful submission reveals her heart of love for her husband, which brings unity in the everydayness of their lives. As the wife cooperates with her husband, coming alongside him in his everyday life, they will experience more and more unity in everyday life. Even non-Christians can prosper from applying such a principle. And some do!
As the wife submits in the everyday domestic issues of her married life, she wins her husband's trust and confidence. He then seeks her input more and more, and the mutual submission God intended within relationships (Ephesians 5:21), including marital relationships, is lived out in love.
Marital unity in family life grows into mutual submission.
The husband and wife learn to work through issues by preferring one another and seeking each other’s counsel.
Then they are free to creatively develop their lifestyle together based on their mutual submission.
There are many family-and-home issues where wives and husbands are free to prefer one another in mutual submission; they need not walk in defined roles as outlined by man:
Submitting to him or feeding his flesh?
Pray that the Lord will teach you to discern between coming alongside your husband through submitting to him in your everyday life versus feeding your husband’s flesh or his whims.
When your husband’s flesh rises up, God can use an abiding wife to reach His carnal child (your husband) if you are willing and obedient and not bound up in the man-interpreted and man-promoted images of submission.
He will grow you through that process as well, establishing you in His Life and Love which will pour forth to your husband and children as He uses you, His willing and obedient vessel to minister His Life and Love to them. Your husband will thank you for loving him in truth as he grows up into Christ his Head. Click here to read about a changed husband’s perspective on submission.
I encourage you to become that willing vessel!
Mutual submission releases each marriage partner to love.
As husbands and wives value individuality and find their identities in Christ, communicate with love and respect, and grow through intense fellowship while mutually submitting to one another, they are released to love—both to receive the unconditional love of the Lord and then to freely give that love to each other.
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With this hope and truth, we women can encourage unequally yoked wives or wives with carnal husbands. A Christian wife's spiritual Head is Christ. She does not need to believe the misguided teachings that her husband is her spiritual head, which can cause her much grief.
Instead, she is freed because her spiritual life comes from the Source of Life Himself, her Head Christ, not from her husband’s vision or from his spiritual leadership. The wife is not left head-less if he is not living with man’s images for husbands.
Additionally, she can continue to hold her husband's heart—even her unbelieving or carnal husband—as she submits to him in the everyday affairs of their life together. For example, if her husband wants to keep their home a sanctuary, she can certainly respect his desire and submit to him in this area. Applying this principle of the husband's headship in life's everyday affairs, rather than expecting the husband to be the spiritual head, frees both the wife and the husband from unnecessary burdens that only bind the marriage in fruitless images which lead either to pride (I can live within this image) or to oppression (I must live within this image, even though it is bringing death to my soul).
Personal Testimony
The Lord had brought my husband and me through three crises over the early years of our marriage.
I was not without a head during any of these times.
Instead, through these crises, I continued to grow up into Christ my Head. The Lord taught me that submission to my husband relates to our simple, everyday life together, not our individual spiritual lives. Yes, as we grow spiritually, we will have more spiritual unity; but spiritual growth is an individual process. My husband is not responsible for my spiritual growth, nor am I for his. But we are responsible to grow our covenant relationship through mutual submission to each other in our everyday lives.
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Personal Note Often when married couples are working through issues and releasing images that bind, their intimate life becomes a burden rather than a fulfilling aspect of their shared life. This book greatly helped my husband and me to work through intimate issues:
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her spiritual Head,
as she submits to her husband’s leadership
in their everyday life together.
release them to love.
Who is the head, even Christ.
~Ephesians 4:15
in the fear of Christ.
~Ephesians 5:21
Continue with Part 5, validate through one-anothering.
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