MARRIAGE ARTICLES
RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLES |
 | to support or corroborate on a sound or authoritative basis. we affirm their value to us and to the Lord. |
Humans tend to look for and dwell upon the negative in relationships and circumstances, and sometimes that negative is only a perceived negative rather than a real negative.
Related to marriage, those perceived negatives stem from the images we have accepted: my husband should do such-and-such; my wife should do so-and-so.
For example, “My husband should do devotions with the family or have a vision for our family” or “My wife should submit to my every whim.”
When our spouse doesn’t meet the man-created image, we identify our spouse’s perceived inadequacy as negative and begin to focus on that negative.
Instead of focusing on what our spouses don’t do to fit our image, we can begin to validate what our spouses do do—who they currently are and how they are growing.
outpouring of who we are becoming.
When we validate our spouses, we need to look at the heart of who they currently are and who they are becoming rather than what they are doing.
Validating who our spouses are right now draws their hearts to us because they know we value them and we are not overlooking their current contributions to the relationships at home.
WHERE OUR SPOUSES CURRENTLY MINISTER TO THE FAMILY |
- “Thank you, honey, for providing an income for our family. Your diligence at work ministers to us.” (Validating diligence)
- “Thank you, dear, for feeding us, clothing us, and loving us. Your commitment to the family blesses each of us.” (Validating perseverence)
Specifically for the wife:
Does your husband wash dishes?
Does he mow the lawn?
Does he teach the children a certain subject?
Does he take the children with him when he runs errands?
What “small” things do you observe that he does that you can validate?
Do it!
Don’t wait another moment to let him know that you value who he is currently.
WHO OUR SPOUSES ARE BECOMING |
If they are becoming more Godly in their response to relationships and circumstances, we can validate their inner growth rather than focusing on what they are doing or not doing to fit an image we may have.
Validating our spouses’ inner growth draws their hearts to us because they know we value them and appreciate how their growth—sometimes heart-wrenching growth—contributes to the relationship.
- “You handled that child-training situation with our son in such a firm yet loving way. I think you reached a little more into his heart than you have in the past. That will strengthen your relationship with him. You really showed him how much you love him, just like when you bring him alongside you while you work on projects.” (Validating relational growth)
- “I appreciate your willingness to give me a little extra time today to tie up some loose ends around the house. Thanks for picking up that order at the hardware store.” (Validating a willing and sensitive heart)
In a broader sense, we are saying to our spouses, “I am with you, not against you.
“I see that you are struggling to move forward in a positive way in your life.
“Thank you!
“Let me come under you, alongside you, around you to support you as I can.
“I am here for you.
“I value you.
“I will never break my covenant with you.
“I want you to know all these things, not only by the words I speak but by my conduct towards you.
“I love you!”
Note:
Addressing Women’s Questions highlights some marriage principles related to a spouse’s lack of growth or sin.
Purposefully looking for ways to validate our spouses will begin to renew our minds. Transformation will take place in our hearts.
Why?
Because we won’t be focusing on the negative but looking for ways to validate the positive. Humility will develop as we seek ways to minister to our spouse, like Jesus ministered to those He loved when He washed their feet (John 13:14).
LOVE, the identifying character quality of a mature Christian. |
- A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. ~John 13:34
- By this shall all [men] know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.~John 13:35
- This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.~John 15:12
- These things I command you, that ye love one another. ~John 15:17
- Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. ~Romans 13:8
- And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all [men], even as we [do] toward you.
~1 Thessalonians 3:12 - But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another.
~I Thessalonians 4:9 - Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, [see that ye] love one another with a pure heart fervently.~I Peter 1:22
- For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.~I John 3:11
- And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.~ 1 John 3:23
- Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.~1 John 4:7
- Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
~1 John 4:11 - No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.~ I John 4:12
- And now I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another. ~2 John 1:5
rather than trying to fit into an image, strengthens relationships.
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The marriage relationship provides many opportunities to hone our character development through one-anothering:
- [Be] of the same mind one toward another.... Be not wise in your own conceits. ~Romans 12:10
- Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus.~Romans 15:5
- Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.~Romans 14:19
- Admonish one another.~Romans 15:14
- That there should be no schism in the body; but [that] the members should have the same care one for another.~I Corinthains 12:25
- For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only [use] not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.~Galatians 5:13
- Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.~Galatians 6:2
- With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.~Ephesians 4:2
- And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
~Ephesians 4:32 - Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also [do] ye.~Colossians 3:13
- Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.~Ephesians 5:21
- Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.~Colossians 3:16
- Comfort one another with these words.~1 Thessalonians 4:18
- Edify one another.~I Thessalonians 5:11
- But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.~Hebrews 3:13
- And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:~Hebrews 10:24
- Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.~James 5:16
- Finally, [be ye] all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, [be] pitiful, [be] courteous.~I Peter 3:8
- Yea, all [of you] be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.~I Peter 5:5
- But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another.~1 John 1:7
One-anothering is such a fundamental principle of the Christian life, and where better to apply it than in the blessed relationship that reflects Christ and His Bride, the Church—in healthy Christian marriages.
Dwell in the reality of who your spouse is rather than what someone says he or she should be or do. He may surprise you!
Validate each other through one-anothering, and put your hope in Christ Whose Life and Love will bring about genuine heart transformation in both you and your spouse.
As we one-another our spouses, we will grow in unity. And isn’t that one of the goals of marriage—to have unity like Christ has with His Bride the Church?
with Your love!
as I have loved you.
~John 15:12
While reading this Marriage Articles series, I hope you have experienced at least one “Aha!” moment that releases you and your spouse to an increase of God’s love.
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