MARRIAGE ARTICLES

LIFE-GIVING
RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLES

Submit With a Willing Heart

Stacking Dishes

My husband and I have lived through many difficulties throughout our marriage:

• for two years, neither of us had a personal relationship with Jesus; and in the middle of a 16-month separation, I came to know the Lord as Savior;

• for six years, I did begin to have that relationship with Jesus but my husband did not; and

• since 1988, we have both been Christians, moving in the same direction.

By the Lord’s grace, mercy and great love for us, we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in 2005.

It was a precious time of renewing covenant vows, blessing our children, and sharing with family and friends. We shed many tears of joy and thanksgiving as our hearts were knitted together more deeply.

In the many years preceding this time of celebration, however, the tears that were shed were not so joyous as God was dealing with our sin.

As my husband and I were living in an unequally yoked marriage, I was meeting regularly with a wise and godly woman named Ruth for study and prayer. At times I would share specifics of my marriage with her and ask for counsel.

One day I mentioned something that was really irritating me. My husband and I would take turns washing the dishes in the evening and would let them drip dry in the dish drainer.

On the nights that I would wash dishes, he would suggest that I stack the dishes in the drainer in a different pattern so they would dry more quickly and could be put away sooner. I felt he was criticizing me unfairly, and I told Ruth he needed to learn to be more flexible so I planned to continue to stack the dishes my way and he could stack them his way.

I protested, "It just doesn't matter how the dishes are stacked."

Her response dumbfounded me: "If it doesn't matter, why not do it his way?"

This principle really took root in my heart and helped me to learn to submit to him, even when I felt he wasn't being obedient to the Word, by asking this question:

As we've grown in our marriage, I've learned that there really aren't too many things that do matter, especially related to everyday life, like stacking dishes. As I submitted in my heart in these seemingly small ways, he knew my heart was with him.

Over a period of six years as I continued to yield to him willingly in these kinds of areas, he began to trust me more and seek my input on things that did matter. One day, much to my surprise and delight, He trusted Christ. We still quite a bit to work through (that’s an understatement), but the Lord sustained us.

Now that we are both Christians, he always seeks my input as we plan our life together. Often he does things the way I think they should be done! He doesn't even make any suggestions about stacking dishes anymore because I still do it his way. Cheerfully.

Oh, and they really do dry faster!

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