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PARENTING OVERVIEW

OPERATE FROM A
PROACTIVE MINDSET

A GARDENING METAPHOR
Prepare ~ Plant ~ Water ~ Weed

Parenting Overview Introduction

  • Develop Grace-Based Parenting Skills
  • Operate from a Pro-Active Mindset
    • Frog and Toad Metaphor
  • Think from a Godly Worldview

Once two processes are underway—mom is yielded and obedient to the Lord and allowing Him access to heart mind and heart, and godly child training is not being neglected—you, Mom, can begin to influence your children by operating from a proactive mindset which can be described as four broad areas:

PREPARE THE SOIL

Prepare the soil of your children's hearts to receive the seed you plant at God's direction by:

  • listening to them

  • being interested in what they're doing

  • helping them when they ask for help

  • not yelling at them

  • praising their developing character

  • encouraging their efforts

in a nutshell,
loving them.

PLANT THE SEED

Proactively parent by planting seeds in your children’s hearts.

Practically, planting seeds means that you don’t wait for a problem to happen before addressing it.

Instead, you seek the Lord for how to proceed with relationship building and proactively set up grace-based rules for young children and Standards of Conduct for reasoning children.

EXAMPLE

Honor is foundational to developing healthy relationships. When my reasoning children were younger, I had them create a poster to hang on the wall:

HONOR IS…

Treating each other special

Having a good attitude

Doing a little extra

As they created this poster, we discussed three practical ways to honor each other based on what was happening in their hearts at the time. Then we put those ideas into practice.

As a sidenote, we also added something to the last point, as time went on: “Don’t do a little, do a little extra!”

WATER THE SEED

Develop your parenting skills by watering the seeds you have planted in their hearts with the Word of God.

  • Read it. We read the Bible each morning and sometimes before bed. I always love to listen to my children explain a passage we just read, trying to tie it in with what they're learning (even if it doesn't really tie in at all).

  • Write it. The children include Scripture in their copywork. These verses can be useful during times of conflict as reminders of how to respond in the Spirit or simply verses to help them with specific character issues.

  • Live it. I also use Scripture in my natural conversation by paraphrasing into words they can understand when I talk with the children about real-life issues.

WEED

When fleshly behaviors pop up, you have been given another opportunity to practice your parenting skills as you “weed” your children’s hearts through correction and instruction.

I am growing to like this part, although I didn't used to because this is the part where the children bicker or misapply or misunderstand or simply forget what is being taught. This is the loooonnnnnnggggg part and the part where mom has a tendency to resort to the fleshly responses because she's not seeing the "microwave" fruit she had hoped for.

If mom has been building relationship with her children, reading the Word and receiving and practicing sound doctrine, and abiding in Christ through a lifestyle of worship (getting to know her God as Lord of her life), she will eventually grow to like this part because she will receive revelation for her specific children and circumstances at the moment and won't feel quite so overwhelmed with the flood of emotions (hers included) that pop up when [dark organ music playing] weeds appears (screaming)! Enough for the melodramatics. Back to the weeding.

EXAMPLE

Let's say, at the meal, the children start interrupting each other. How will you parent?

OLD REACTIVE MINDSET

With the old reactive mindset, very little (if any) of the previous things I mentioned in the above paragraphs would be taking place because mom's mind has not been renewed. She would not be proactively teaching children about honor.

She may not be building relationships with her children, only running them around from one activity to the other or filling their days with curriculum subject matter. Perhaps they’re in school.

She may not have taken the time to plant the seeds of honor in a careful and prayerful way.

She may not be watering the seed with the Word but instead relies on "Sunday morning" watering of seeds planted by others (and not necessarily seeds of honor but seeds of peer influence).

She may not hold her children’s hearts.

So when the interrupting happens, she may become overwhelmed and start yelling at her children perhaps to STOP TALKING OVER EACH OTHER and maybe say something exasperated like, "Why can't you kids just wait until another is finished?" or "I told you to stop interrupting. Why don't you listen to me?" or "I can't take another minute of this interrupting. Everyone just shut up!" or "The next one who talks gets a spank!" and maybe you can think of many more frustrated responses.

NEW PROACTIVE MINDSET

With the new proactive mindset, mom has prayerfully and with much hope approached this issue of interrupting from the principle of honor.

Because she has been developing relationship with her children and because she holds her children's hearts, she knows the soil (their hearts) was ready to receive that seed God directed her to plant.

She knows that she has been faithfully watering that seed, but she also knows that God is the One who causes the growth. So she waits with anticipation for the fruit, knowing her job has really only just begun.

When the children do not honor, she knows that their flesh is in control and that weeds are popping up. She does not despair over her lack of training them in the past because she knows the past is the past and now that she has vision from God about the principle of honor, she does not need to go about unrestrained in her approach to dealing with her children.

So, she prays before she speaks and then perhaps puts her finger to her mouth to remind them that she is going to speak. When everyone is quiet, she says, "Remember our poster about honor? What do you think just happened here?"

One of the children sheepishly says, "We’re not treating each other special?"

And then mom says, "Let's try again and remember to ask God to help you think before you speak and really try to listen to each other instead of being the first to talk."

This process may go on for a while (maybe even months!) at various times, not just at mealtime. Through this process of growth in applying the principle of honor, mom continues to pray that God would reach her children’s hearts and cause the growth that is needed in this area.

Begin to operate from a pro-active mindset
—prepare, plant, water, and weed—
and wait expectantly on God for the growth.
He is the Faithful One!

Let us not lose heart in doing good,
for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.
~Galatians 6:9

Parenting Overview Introduction
View Conflicts As Opportunities



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