Parenting Overview Series
Operate from a Pro-Active Mindset |
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Once two processes are underway—mom is yielded and obedient to the Lord and allowing Him access to heart mind and heart, and godly child training is not being neglected—you, Mom, can begin to influence your children by operating from a proactive mindset which can be described as four broad areas:
Prepare the soil of your children's hearts to receive the seed you plant at God's direction by:
- listening to them
- being interested in what they're doing
- helping them when they ask for help
- not yelling at them
- praising their developing character
- encouraging their efforts
in a nutshell,
loving them.
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Proactively parent by planting seeds in your children’s hearts.
Practically, planting seeds means that you don’t wait for a problem to happen before addressing it.
Instead, you seek the Lord for how to proceed with relationship building and proactively set up grace-based rules for young children and Standards of Conduct for reasoning children.
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EXAMPLE
Honor is foundational to developing healthy relationships. When my reasoning children were younger, I had them create a poster to hang on the wall:
HONOR IS…
Treating each other special
Having a good attitude
Doing a little extra
As they created this poster, we discussed three practical ways to honor each other based on what was happening in their hearts at the time. Then we put those ideas into practice.
As a sidenote, we also added something to the last point, as time went on: “Don’t do a little, do a little extra!”
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Develop your parenting skills by watering the seeds you have planted in their hearts with the Word of God.
- Read it. We read the Bible each morning and sometimes before bed. I always love to listen to my children explain a passage we just read, trying to tie it in with what they're learning (even if it doesn't really tie in at all).
- Write it. The children include Scripture in their copywork. These verses can be useful during times of conflict as reminders of how to respond in the Spirit or simply verses to help them with specific character issues.
- Live it. I also use Scripture in my natural conversation by paraphrasing into words they can understand when I talk with the children about real-life issues.
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When fleshly behaviors pop up, you have been given another opportunity to practice your parenting skills as you “weed” your children’s hearts through correction and instruction.
I am growing to like this part, although I didn't used to because this is the part where the children bicker or misapply or misunderstand or simply forget what is being taught.
This is the loooonnnnnnggggg part and the part where mom has a tendency to resort to the fleshly responses because she's not seeing the "microwave" fruit she had hoped for.
If mom has been building relationship with her children, reading the Word and receiving and practicing sound doctrine, and abiding in Christ through a lifestyle of worship (getting to know her God as Lord of her life), she will eventually grow to like this part because she will receive revelation for her specific children and circumstances at the moment and won't feel quite so overwhelmed with the flood of emotions (hers included) that pop up when [dark organ music playing] weeds appears (screaming)! Enough for the melodramatics. Back to the weeding.
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Let's say, at the meal, the children start interrupting each other. How will you parent?
OLD REACTIVE MINDSET
NEW PROACTIVE MINDSET
This process may go on for a while (maybe even months!) at various times, not just at mealtime. Through this process of growth in applying the principle of honor, mom continues to pray that God would reach her children’s hearts and cause the growth that is needed in this area.
Begin to operate from a pro-active mindset
—prepare, plant, water, and weed—
and wait expectantly on God for the growth.
He is the Faithful One!
Let us not lose heart in doing good,
for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.
~Galatians 6:9
Parenting Overview Introduction
View Conflicts As Opportunities
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