Perhaps some of you have tried to implement many rules in your homes to correct the behavior of children who are beginning to reason; but you have found it frustrating, especially as children grow in their abilities to reason.
Young children do indeed need a few established rules as they learn to obey mom and dad. You can find articles on parenting young children in Part I of this series. But as children mature and begin to reason a little more, rules for the sake of rules are something that immature yet reasoning children will manipulate if their hearts aren't being engaged.
For example, in the 1990s, my husband instructed one of our younger children to stop sucking the thumb: "I don't want to see you sucking your thumb anymore." So one morning at breakfast this child was sucking the thumb! I said, "Do you remember Poppy's rule that you may not suck your thumb?" The response: "He said he didn't want to SEE me sucking. He's at work, so I'm obeying that rule. He can't see me." It was obvious that this child was beginning to reason! After experiencing this kind of skewed logic and after much prayer about implementing rules, the Lord helped me to see that I needed to transition from parenting with rules for young children to discipling with principles for reasoning children. This transition involved implementing Standards of Conduct that the child can think about (as opposed to just obeying one certain thing) so that the child can apply the principles to many different circumstances.
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Presenting rules only, which promotes obedience without thinking, to a child who is beginning to reason can lead the child to choose from the tree of death, the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
Through this thinking and heart-examination process, he will ultimately internalize Godly character, developing him into a steadfast child.
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During family reading times, we moms can also reach into our children’s hearts to determine if they are developing an understanding of Biblical principles as we strengthen truths in their hearts and minds through questioning them. Discipling them becomes a natural part of our parenting routine.
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In our home, we live by these three Life-giving Standards of Conduct.
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I've found that training my reasoning children's hearts has really been a heart-training time for me. As my Parent, Father-God, renewed my mind about edifying the whole person (body, soul, and spirit) of my children, He was also parenting me to edify my whole person. Because I have chosen to develop the tool of home, my children and I are together ALL the time and we have to relate to each other ALL the time. God grows us—both children and moms—through relationships and circumstances. When my children were younger, our home environment was quite intense; but this intense pressure has knitted our hearts together in relationship with each other. Often as I was speaking with one of them about a Standard of Conduct they were violating, the words that came from my own mouth were the very words God was speaking to me. I saw that
How very humbling! My heart’s desire to see them become established in the love, life, and freedom of Christ was actually my Father’s desire for me too. Again and again, I experienced His love for me as well as His chastisement, while parenting my children through this season. Return to the Table of Contents
I am so thankful for all the conflict and the various personalities that God has used to shape me so that I could, in turn, be used by Him to shape my children into the only image that gives Life— the image of Christ.
with whom I am again in labor until Christ is formed in you. ~Galatians 4:19
Other articles in this Discipling Reasoning Children series:
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