Christian Parenting: A Conversation with a Mom of Young Children

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Christian Parenting Series
Part 1, Parenting Young Children

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Table of Contents

Parenting Young Children Introduction

Discipling Reasoning Children

Releasing Steadfast Children

Celebrating Established People of God

This Article’s Topics:

After reading the articles about parenting young children, one mom of a three-year-old son emailed me and has agreed to let me share some of her questions and comments with you. Her comments are in italics.

WHICH RULES?

I still find it difficult to decide which rules to set?

This difficult process is part of your walk with the Lord. Each family’s life will look different because each child and each family are unique. For example, my son touches his siblings’ things, so I needed to set a rule for him, whereas when I only had one child, I didn’t need to set that kind of rule because she had no other siblings with things to touch.

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REWARDS?

Yes, you are seeing very clearly that the DVD would be his reward. His reward for obeying should be his growing relationship with you (not watching a DVD), although he will not be able to verbalize that at his age.

If you continue to “reward” him with things or privileges,
as he matures, he will only perform for you
when you give him more things or more privileges.

Would it be better to spank, and then carry on watching the DVD until it’s finished?

You would spank ONLY IF you have made that rule—no jumping on the couch—clear to him. Spanking is a serious thing, as I have mentioned. You do not just say it once and then whap! spank him.

You sit with him, hold him near you as you talk about not jumping, and explain that he must learn to listen for your voice and obey. If you know for sure that he understands this and he purposefully jumps on the couch anyway, just to test you, then the spank is necessary. If he jumps on the couch because he is in the excitement of a moment, then you can extend grace as you train him through his childish behaviors.

Pray moment by moment for the Lord to give you discernment into your son’s heart. We moms can usually tell when a child is being defiant; but we need to learn to discern what to do for childish and out-of-control behaviors that the child repeats, like jumping on the couch.

Relationship with the Lord and with your child,
not a multitude of rules,
will guide you through this process.

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ONE RULE?

Can you only establish one rule: “Obey mom”? Then mom must make sure that her ‘demands’ are realistic for the age and situation, all the while with a grace-based mindset?

“Obey mom” is the underlying principle. Your child-specific rules will be based in the principles of honor and obedience.

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PROACTIVE

I like the pro-activity idea, starting with training in a positive way through calling them to come to you. However, with my 3yr old, I didn’t call him to come to me soon enough. So when he did ‘run away,’ I was not consistent at all and didn’t realize what seeds I was actually sowing. Now, as I am in the process of correcting this, he will still disobey other commands that have nothing to do with coming to me when called.

For example, getting dressed and brushing his teeth. It is always a battle. Perhaps I have already sown a seed in that when we don’t have to go out, I don’t insist that he get dressed. But, if I have to go out, then he doesn’t co-operate to get dressed and I end up giving up and ‘threatening’ to leave without him because he obviously doesn’t want to come with me! Terrible I know, it does not address heart etc. etc. But, I have not spanked for this because I thought he was just being childish?

Again, hear the Lord on this issue. Set the rule—“you must cooperate with Mommy about getting dressed. Honor me with your obedience”—and set the consequence. Then carry it out.

Continue to learn to hear from the Lord about what you should do for your particular circumstances.

That’s the purpose of the intensity of this stage:
for you, the mom,
to learn to seek and to hear from God.